Saturday, November 16, 2013


It started with promise. And that is where it ends. With a promise.
It seems like that is all there is left. A pile of promises. I wonder what will be made of them. All empty, divested.
No meaning.
It probably didn't have any meaning to begin with, just what you mistakenly invested.
And there it is, at the side of the road, ready for the gawkers to look at as they drive by, very sure that it would never have happened to them.
You make a choice, even a bad one, and you open yourself up.
Someone cleans up, you move on. And it's like it never happened.
But you remember.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

When Does It Go Bad?

When do people turn bad? Are they born bad, nurtured bad, learned bad, or is it something else? Can bad be hidden? Or do you choose not to see? When did it go bad? When was it that you became the person that you are? People saw it, people believed it, but it was hard for us to accept it. It was them. They were wrong. They were jealous. They said things. They lied. They held you down. We were poor. We denied things. We had a lot of money. We just needed to hang on. We had our eyes opened again and again, but the process took a long time, years and years. And every time the bottom of the pit appeared we sank further. But still we persisted. We did the best we could at the time, but we could have done better. Been better. Made better decisions. But that doesn't matter now. There is nothing to change in the past. You can change the way you describe it, but that doesn't help. Time is barely helping to dull the ache. Now we have no say. How do you cope with that knowledge? And where do you go from here? Even if you stop drinking the poison, it takes a while to leave your system. And there is always a little bit there, hiding in the corner. And the need! Where does that need come from? It feeds on itself. You can't even remember where the need comes from.Life is long, people are complex, reasons are buried. You have no sense of history. Only the present. It's a prison you can't liberate yourself from. And knowing doesn't help. You just turn your head. Even though the knowledge is inside of you, and you know it all the time, you pretend that it is not there. But it returns.

Friday, March 01, 2013

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Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Russian Women Are Waiting For You

Dear johno. How are you? I hope my letter finds you in a good mood. I liked your profile and I would like to continue our communication. Please, tell me a few words about you. How do you usually spend your free time? Do you like animals? I would like to meet reliable and kind man. I want to trust him and share everything with him. I want to create a big and loving family. It seems to me, that you can become my man. I see something particular in you. You know, it is like an invisible thread, connecting us. I really hope, that you feeel the same, dear! I'm waiting for your reply here Sincerely yours, Olga.

Sunday, December 02, 2012

Dreams Of Rest

One Of These Things Is Just Like The Other
A cheap joke at other peoples misery

Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Worst Thing

The tracks are still clear in my mind.
I was out there again this morning, rescuing him again, this morning. 0430. This time, the dog had company. And I went out there and rescued my son from his broken axle stricken 4-Runner. No idea why he was out there. Even though I have done equally mysterious things in my life, especially when I was his age.
But clothes begin to look ridiculous after a certain point, especially when all your friends are getting on with life, and getting things done, and moving on. And you are arrested somehow, doing things you should have done at a different time in your life.
It's a tricky thing.
But you have to believe you can figure things out.